


On The Edge

by sinnoh



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Jaspidot - Freeform, implied suicidal thoughts??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 11:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7682926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinnoh/pseuds/sinnoh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jasper isn't adjusting well to life on Earth. Peridot tries to help her see she's worth more than she thinks. Post Jasper Redemption.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On The Edge

**Author's Note:**

> wow i am just. IN LOVE WITH THIS PAIRING. i have adored it since 'the return' and im getting back into it ever since the summer of steven stuff. i like it served with a heaping side of angst and hurt/comfort. this is my take on their personalities, i tried to get peridots as close to how it is in the show. jasper was tricker bc she hasn't had her redemption yet and i dont know if she will aaaahhhh i just really want her to be happy. 
> 
> anyways i hope this isnt too dark and i really hope the jaspidot fans enjoy it! if this is well recieved i will probably write more ;0  
> also i didnt have a beta so RIP!!! im sorry if this is shitty

Jasper still wasn’t used to any of it. She’d been stuck with these crystal gems for two months, and she still wasn’t used to anything that they did. Their customs, their behaviors, their relationships….it was all foreign to her. She just couldn’t understand and, frankly, she didn’t know if she wanted to understand at this point.

The Steven had tried his hardest. He pushed and pulled at her in some attempt to crack into her and pull her out of her shell. He always boasted about never giving up, but…Jasper knew he had grown tired. He had grown tired of trying to see the best in her. She could tell Steven might even believe there was no good in her. It didn’t hurt her. He was probably right.

Jasper let a breath part from her plump lips, her golden gaze raking over the details of the land before her. She had retreated from the barn for the night, unable to summon any power in herself to attempt the ‘sleeping’ ritual. She hadn’t been made for human customs. She was made for fighting, for war, for victory.

She wasn’t sure what she could be on this planet. Sure, there were battles to fight. But they were with the crystal gems. She didn’t feel as strongly opposed to them as she once did, but her feelings to stay loyal to homeworld were still stronger. She didn’t know why. Homeworld had deserted her on a foreign planet without a care in the world.

‘That’s because Jaspers are disposable.’

The thought surfaced in her mind and she hesitantly took a step forward toward the edge of the cliff. She had sought out solitude at the top of the Beach City hill, staring out at the dark ocean and what the humans called 'the moon’. Steven had brought her here with him once before, and she often found herself returning when everything seemed overwhelming. And everything seemed overwhelming a lot.

Jasper knew her purpose was insignificant. She had been made to fight and simply nothing more. She wasn’t supposed to have 'fun’ or 'make friends’ like earthlings. She was supposed to destroy and kill everything around her. She had no idea how Peridot had adjusted so well. Jasper didn’t bother speaking with her. She had to much guilt to do so.

Jasper had one mission coming to earth and she had failed. She was Peridot’s escort. Keep her safe and bring her home.

Home.

Jasper took another step closer and felt a harsh breeze blow against her thick locks of hair. She was a failure of a Jasper. It had been such a simple mission, and Jasper had still failed nonetheless. Not that it mattered to homeworld, she knew they would just make the next batch of Jaspers bigger, better, and stronger. There was always room for improvement in gem creation. Jasper was not special. She was as ordinary as a beach pebble.

She slowly lowered her form to sit on the grass of the hill, her thoughts becoming clouded with haze and darkness. No one needed her here. Steven came around her less frequently, Lapis and Amethyst hated her, Pearl avoided her, and Garnet could care less. She felt a painful squeeze in her chest and moved to press one of her large hands against as if attempting to suppress it.

Jasper couldn’t vouch for what she was feeling as being emotions. She had no idea why some subjects left her mind feeling hazy and black with a pain in her chest. All she did know was that thoughts of her no longer being here seemed comforting. As dark as it was, time seemed to prove Jasper was unneeded on Earth.

‘They can always just make more Jaspers.’

Jasper scooted closer to the edge of the cliff, her eyes barely being able to peek over and view the stones that clustered at the edge of the bay. It could be an accident. She could slip and shatter her gem and let the pieces be washed away by the ocean. Steven wouldn’t notice. The Gems wouldn’t notice. Earth would continue as it had.

The prospect of slipping became more and more tempting to Jasper as she edged a leg out to hang over above the ocean. One slip. One slip and she could be free of Earth-

“Ehem.”

Jasper almost jumped at the nasally sound coming from behind her, her head slowly moving to the side to see Peridot standing a mere twenty feet away. Jasper had no response. Why bother? She had nothing to say to her. She contemplated continuing with edging herself off the cliff, but decided against it. She didn’t want anyone to see her fall.

Peridot seemed nervous as she stood there, staring at Jasper’s hulking form so close to disappearing. She hadn’t been able to sleep and had decided on a late night beach walk- until she saw Jasper atop the cliff slowly getting closer to the edge. Half of Peridot had said to ignore it, but the other half was screaming with a mix of curiosity and…worry? She wouldn’t let the quartz gem know that though.

“…I would not get any closer to the edge. There are better ways to see the ocean.” Peridot finally spoke, feeling her words come out just a tad bit shaky. A part of her wanted to grab Jasper and yank her back to safety, but she knew Jasper was faster than her. She shouldn’t risk it.

Jasper did not reply, instead edging her other leg off the cliff so both legs were dangling over the rocky waves below her. Peridot instinctively took a step closer and Jaspers eyes narrowed threateningly at her. Peridot hesitantly backtracked her step and swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat. She couldn’t let the other do this. It wasn’t right.

“…Jasper, please, refrain from sliding any closer off that ledge.” Peridot’s voice came out in a whisper, her green eyes glinting with a hint of panic. She didn’t know much about the gem personally, but she knew enough to know that something had to be severely bothering Jasper to constitute behavior like this. She couldn’t just let her slide off to certain death.

Jasper stayed silent as she stared down Peridot, her golden eyes seeming worn out and tired. Peridot had never seen the gem in such distress. It alarmed her. Jasper sucked in a sharp breath and turned her head away from Peridot, knowing she had to speak. She would never get the technician to leave if she didn’t.

“Return to whatever you were doing previously. Leave me to my business, Peridot.”

“Your current business is attempting to throw yourself off of a cliff. I cannot allow that.”

Jasper felt her head throb in annoyance, suppressing a loud growl in her throat. Could she not get what she wanted, ever? She couldn’t live out what she was made to do, she couldn’t succeed at a simple mission, and she was failing to transition to life on Earth. She simply wanted to disappear, and here Peridot was, ruining that as well.

“My business is none of your business. Leave me alone, Peridot.” She gritted out through her teeth, a large hand of hers fisting into the grass. She knew the green gem wasn’t going to listen to her. She never had, and it drove Jasper crazy. Jasper couldn’t even command orders correctly.

“Your business becomes my business when it is a matter of life or death.” Peridot said, keeping her tone low as she stared Jasper down. She debated getting Steven, but there was a chance Jasper would slip while she was gone. She let a hand of hers come to her head, knowing she had to pry. Something was not right.

“…Please tell me what is wrong, Jasper.”

Jasper clenched her hand tighter in the grass, feeling her eyes sting angrily at Peridot’s request. Was it not obvious how much she was suffering? Was it not obvious that Jasper was in pain on Earth? If the other couldn’t even see that, how would she even be able to understand what she was going through?

“…If you can’t tell, then you wouldn’t understand.” Jasper snarled in reply, refusing to meet eyes with the technician.

“That is not true. Just because I cannot tell why you are struggling does not mean I cannot understand why you are struggling. So, please, I advise you tell me what’s wrong.”

Jasper rolled her eyes and yanked the fistful of grass out of the ground, tossing it out into the wind. It fluttered away softly towards the sea, and Jasper wished she could join it at that moment. She felt a burn in her stomach. She wanted to fall so badly.

It was obvious Jasper was not going to reply, leaving Peridot to sigh heavily and edge closer towards the orange gem. “Is this about Malachite? Theres a good reason Lapis didn’t want to fuse again-”

“It’s not about fucking Malachite!” Jasper suddenly shouted, cutting the other off. Her blood boiled at the suggestion. She felt tears prick at her eyes and immediately start to fall, causing her to slap a hand to her face. “Ggh- Fuck! You just wouldn’t fucking understand! Just fuck off!”

Peridot wasn’t surprised about the outburst, a conversation with Jasper wasn’t complete without one, but the crying was new. She had never even see the gem frown unless it was in anger. And now here she was, practically sobbing into her palm. Peridot felt her chest ache a bit.

Peridot didn’t speak for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts and form some words. It was hard. After what felt like hours, she cleared her throat again, her tone much softer this time. “…I’m sorry for assuming such, Jasper. I may not be able to understand, but perhaps you can tell me why I would not be able to understand.”

Jasper felt so weak for crying. She had only ever cried as a child, and thats how she currently felt as well. A big, helpless child stuck in a place she had no purpose in and that she couldn’t get used to. She wanted nothing more to slip away, but not with Peridot watching.

“You can’t understand because you like earth. You can’t understand because you have a purpose here, you know what you’re supposed to be. You feel comfortable on Earth and with the other gems. You’re still useful here.”

Peridot was silent, absorbing Jaspers words slowly. She had no idea this is what Jasper had been brewing over. She felt her own eyes sting a bit and took a few steps closer towards Jasper, wanting to ease her in some way. “Jasper-”

“Stay back! You don’t fucking understand what I’ve been going through! Do you know how hard it is to live everyday as a warrior with no battles to fight? You’re fucking worthless, fucking replaceable. I don’t even fucking matter. If it wasn’t for your nosy ass, I could have slipped right off and no one would have even noticed!” Jasper shouted, her tears spilling more as she glared at Peridot.

“Jasper-” Peridot began, finding it hard to tear her gaze away from the gem before her. She looked so broken, so lost. Peridot wasn’t the best at offering comfort, but she still didn’t like seeing the gem so unlike her normal self. “You are right, I do not understand how you are feeling. But what you are feeling is not true.”

Jasper scoffed through her tears and rolled her eyes, turning her head to gaze out at the sea again. “Oh, yeah? Try and tell me that I’m not replaceable. That I’m special. That I’m not just another hunk of quartz meant to kill. I’m just a Jasper.”

“I…” Peridot trailed off in thought, unsure of how to actually properly reply to that. She truly didn’t understand how Jasper felt. Her adjustment to earth had been much smoother and less rocky than Jasper’s. Steven would be a much better person to be offering comfort. 

But Steven wasn’t here. Peridot had to do this on her own. 

After sucking up what little bravery she had left, she spoke. “…Being on earth with these Crystal Gems, I have observed a lot. Not only that, I have learned a lot. It was not easy. Coming from Homeworld and having to abandon everything you were born to do in favors of doing the ‘right thing’ is not easy. Your feelings are understandable.” 

Jasper furrowed her brows together hard, turning her head back to stare at the green gem. What the fuck was she going on about? Jasper still struggled to see how protecting Earth was the ‘right thing’. How could it be the right thing? What on Earth was exactly worthy of protecting? Either Peridot was trying to stall and fuck with her brain, or she had an actual explanation coming. Jasper wasn’t even sure if sticking around to hear it was worth the time. 

Peridot had been waiting for Jasper to interject, finding herself a bit chilled when Jasper stayed silent. Maybe the other was actually going to hear her out? “You may feel hopeless about being stuck here. You may feel like a failure. You may feel like there is nothing to live for. You are wrong. Earth has much more to offer than you realize. You are not ‘just a jasper’ here. There is only one Jasper here, and that Jasper is you.” 

  Jasper almost made a snide remark, but decided to keep silent. She didn’t want to admit she was listening to what the other had to say, but it was hard not to. She knew Peridots were made for technological duties, so emotional support was definitely not in their protocol. Peridot was seemingly making sense as well.   

“One of the first things Steven told me was that I could be whatever I liked to be. Apparently that was one of Rose Quartz’s many philosophies. Here on Earth, you don’t have to be what you were “made” to do. You can be whatever you like.” Peridot spoke quickly, taking another step towards Jasper. Her foot was nearly touching the other gem’s hand, and Peridot resisted an urge to reach out a hand to touch her.   “You do not have to kill. You do not have to fight wars. You can find something else you are good at. For example, I myself have recently gotten into watching human television shows. Who knew such a thing existed? They are like stories, but acted out in real life-!” The green gem nearly got too excited with her explanation and quickly controlled herself, clearing her throat harshly. “My point is, your feelings are understandable. But you are not a failure for not living the purpose you were ‘made’ for. You can find a new purpose and be good at that! Or, you can continue to have no purpose. That is perfectly alright as well. There is no pressure here on Earth! You can literally do whatever you want to do!”   

Peridot let a cheesy smile grace her face, spreading her arms out to the sides as a way of showing some kind of ‘enthusiasm’. Inside, her chest was pounding. She feared Jasper still wouldn’t believe her and she would be left to watch the other fall to her death. Peridot only become more nervous as the seconds ticked by and Jasper stared at her with a seemingly blank stare.

  Jasper continued to stare, Peridots words running around in her head repeatedly as she processed them. Ah. So that was it. Peridot enjoyed the ‘no pressures’ style of life on Earth. On Homeworld, everything was life or death. Relaxation was a luxury for only the rarest of gems. Jasper could see Peridot becoming increasingly anxious, almost letting out a chuckle at how small and rigid she looked. 

“…What is your purpose then?” Jasper asked suddenly, her tone edging more on curious than angry. Peridot blinked a few times, dropping her arms slack to her sides. Had it worked? Had Jasper actually listened to her?   

“M-My purpose-!” Peridot started, searching her brain for the right answer, “I…suppose my purpose is to protect Earth now. You may think that is silly, but…there is a lot worth protecting here. Even from it’s own inhabitants! My diamond, have you even heard about what the humans are doing to these so called rainforests-!?”   

Jasper couldn’t help herself. She let out a deep chuckle at the flustered gem before her, shaking her head as Peridot stared in confusion. The green gem seemed frustrated suddenly, unable to see why the other was laughing at her.

“W-What-! It is true!” Peridot said harshly to her, stepping closer to the gem as Jasper continued to chuckle. “Do you not believe me-? Tell me what is so funny-!”  

“No, it’s not that. I just…the way you get worked up about it is rather…sweet.” 

The word ‘sweet’ rolled off her tongue in such a weird way. It may, quite frankly, be the first time she had used the word in a way that wasn’t sarcastic. Jasper had felt something in her chest stir when she saw Peridot’s cheeks flush a light green and advert her eyes downward. 

  “Oh. I…I suppose I should say thank you. So, thank you.” Peridot said awkwardly, one of her hands coming up to rub at her upper forearm. She had no idea what this feeling really was, but…she liked it. It was like what she felt for Steven and the others, except much differently and stronger. She would have to be sure to do a google search on it later. 

Jasper simply nodded at her and turned her head to look back at the ocean again. Slowly, she brought her legs to her chest and rose from her spot on the ground. A gust of wind came again and Peridot immediately shuttered, using both her arms to wrap across her chest as the tall gem stood before her. What now? Jasper wasn't in danger of falling anymore.   Her answer came not even a moment later, Jasper’s tone surprising her with it’s seeming warmness. 

“I want you to tell me more about Earth. Explain to me why it is so special. I want to know more. If you think it’s worth protecting, then you must have good reasoning”

Peridot blinked and looked up at Jasper, her eyes wide in confusion before quickly changing into one of excitement and determination. “Okay! I can do that. But, um- First we should go inside! The unpleasant sensation you feel when it is windy is called ‘being cold’!”

Peridot turned on her heel and began marching her way down the hill, already starting into a detailed explanation about weather and what effects it could have on living beings. Jasper let the smallest of smiles grace her lips, turning her head once more to stare out at the ocean before following the other down. 

Maybe there were things on Earth worth protecting.


End file.
